Trick-o-Cheney

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Picture of Dick Cheney Pumpkin

Halloween is unquestionably a big deal here in the USA. By “big deal,” I mean that this “spooky day” is reserved as an opportunity for certain commercial interests to sell lots of Halloween junk to the unsuspecting public. Halloween isn’t really scary. Selling junk isn’t scary—it’s the American Way, particularly when that junk is made in China.

But despite rampant commercialism ruining the true meaning of Halloween, certain simple rituals persist, like pumpkin carving.

About four years ago, the secret labs at Commander Trombone carved a pumpkin in the likeness of Dick Cheney. Also about four years ago, an American presidential election happened. Coincidence? You decide.

During one of the 2004 vice presidential debates on television, John Edwards, then the democratic vice-presidential candidate, gave what I thought was a sound answer to a question. Although I confess I can’t remember the content of the question, what really stuck in my memory was Dick Cheney’s response: “There are so many inaccuracies [in John Edward’s answer] it’s hard to know where to begin.”

A picture of the Dick Cheney Pumpkin

There are so many inaccuracies it’s hard to know where to begin.” As a debating tactic, it’s brilliant. Without really refuting any actual fact, you’ve refuted everything. The comment says, “No need to think further. Everything that man said is false.”

Today, you don’t need to think too hard to realize that the phrase “There are so many inaccuracies it’s hard to know where to begin” is fraught with lots of unintentional irony when applied to many of Mr. Cheney’s statements before, during, and after the 2004 election, particularly in regard to the war in Iraq.

Fear, though, is Mr. Cheney’s real stock and trade. It’s the kind of blind and unreasoning fear that says “We’ll get hit again” if the electorate elects the wrong politcian. On the other hand, it’s a “don’t-think-too-hard,” fear that has the cheap, plastic smell of a Halloween mask. Is it any wonder that Commander Trombone retrieves the vice president’s pumpkin likeness out of digital photo cold storage each year for Halloween?

The Sound of Now’s the Time

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This YouTube post by Zemry features a host of be-bop greats: J.J. Johnson, Sonny Stitt, Howard McGhee, Walter Bishop, Tommy Potter, and Kenny Clarke. It’s apparently a video transfer of a kinescope made for British TV in 1964.

When I first saw and heard the YouTube clip, I thought the performance sounded familiar. Sure enough, I found that a CD I own contains the sound portion of the performance. Just to see if I could improve the sound of the video, I removed the original sound track in iMovie and applied the CD’s sound instead. The result does make the sound clearer, and the project is posted here in Quicktime form. Fortunately, J.J. “stomped” the tune off loudly enough on stage to make a fairly good audio sync possible, although it isn’t perfect.

Note that the video clip doesn’t include the entire performance. For that reason, you’ll hear the music continue after the clip ends.

(click movie to play)

Of Bagels and the iPhone!

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iphone using coverflow

Recently, it’s come to light that Apple is being sued over “unlocked” iPhones. What’s an unlocked iPhone? Well, it’s an iPhone that has been altered to work with other cellular networks besides AT&T, the standard carrier for the iPhone. Unfortunately for those who have now brought suit, the iPhones that were unlocked were then broken (or “bricked”) by a software update issued by Apple.Well, Suppose you buy a toaster. On the box the toaster is sold in, a caption reads: “This quality toaster is designed for use with medium sliced bread only. It will not work with bagels. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to toast bagels with this toaster, since the bagels are likely to become stuck in the toaster. Please Note: The company that produced this fine toaster will void its warrantee if you attempt to toast bagels with this toaster. You know something? If you try toast bagels with this toaster, you’re on your own, bub. Enjoy your toast!”So, you get the toaster home. What’s the first thing you try and do with your new toaster? Just to prove the company wrong, you jam a bagel in the toaster.Voila! It works! It works for a while. You christen yourself a genius. Then, one morning, a bagel gets stuck. You try and get it out with a fork. You break the toaster. You’re mad. You sue the toaster company.You are a maroon, aren’t you?

The Sacred Sackbut of Marcy Tigner

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Marcy Tigner's solo trombone christian faith recording

Although it may not be obvious to as many today, the history of music has long been tied up in the history of worship. Not to worry — the historical treatise needed to back that statement up won’t be pursued here. Suffice it to say that musical cross-pollination between the secular, the sacred, and the profane has been pretty common over the years, and the trombone has been of mighty good service to all three. Anyway, it’s possible that the sweet trombone style of Tommy Dorsey meets the sacred in Marcy Tigner’s Christian Faith trombone album from the 50s. How to describe the recording? The best thing for anyone to do is simply to listen. Whatever you think of the musical style, the trombone playing itself is fantastic.